Here's a cool way to order at a drive-thru. Warning: this might make you hungry.
Giorgio's Youtube channel
Showing posts with label humor. Show all posts
Showing posts with label humor. Show all posts
Giorgio loves Sonic
Here's a cool way to order at a drive-thru. Warning: this might make you hungry.
Giorgio's Youtube channel
The friendzone comparison
A woman has a close male friend. This means he is probably interested in her, which is why he hangs around so much. She sees him strictly as a friend. This always starts out with, you're a great guy, but I don't like you in that way. This is roughly the equivalent for a guy going to a job interview, and the company saying, You have a great resume, you have all the qualifications we are looking for, but we're not going to hire you. We will, however, use your resume as the basis for comparison for all other applicants. But, we're going to hire someone who is far less qualified and is probably an alcoholic. And if he doesn't work out, we'll hire somebody else, but still not you. In fact, we will never hire you. But we will call you from time to time to complain about the person that we hired.
Squirrel Photobomber Steals the Scene
Melissa Brandts and her husband stopped to take a photo using their camera's self-timer while vacationing in Canada. Intrigued by the sounds of the camera, a curious ground squirrel came over to check things out and popped into the frame right at the perfect moment.
Urlesque
Why you should never question a drunk
A woman was shopping at her local supermarket where she selected:
a half-gallon of 2% milk,
a carton of eggs,
a quart of orange juice,
a head of romaine lettuce,
a 2 lb. can of coffee and
a 1 lb. package of bacon.
As she was unloading her items on the conveyor belt to check out, a drunk standing behind her watched as she placed the items in front of the cashier. While the cashier was ringing up her purchases, the drunk calmly stated, “You must be single.”
The woman was a bit startled by this proclamation, but she was intrigued by the derelict’s intuition, since she was indeed single. She looked at her six items on the belt and saw nothing particularly unusual about her selections that could have tipped off the drunk to her marital status. Curiosity getting the better of her, she said “Well, you know what, you’re absolutely correct. But how on earth did you know that?”
The drunk replied, “Cause you’re ugly.”
a half-gallon of 2% milk,
a carton of eggs,
a quart of orange juice,
a head of romaine lettuce,
a 2 lb. can of coffee and
a 1 lb. package of bacon.
As she was unloading her items on the conveyor belt to check out, a drunk standing behind her watched as she placed the items in front of the cashier. While the cashier was ringing up her purchases, the drunk calmly stated, “You must be single.”
The woman was a bit startled by this proclamation, but she was intrigued by the derelict’s intuition, since she was indeed single. She looked at her six items on the belt and saw nothing particularly unusual about her selections that could have tipped off the drunk to her marital status. Curiosity getting the better of her, she said “Well, you know what, you’re absolutely correct. But how on earth did you know that?”
The drunk replied, “Cause you’re ugly.”
Are You a Real Cowboy?
An old cowboy sat down at the bar and ordered a drink. As he sat sipping his drink a young woman sat down next to him. She turned to the cowboy and asked, "Are you a real cowboy?" He replied, "Well, I've spent my whole life, breaking colts, working cows, going to rodeos, fixing fences, pulling calves, balling hay, doctoring calves, cleaning my barn, fixing flats, workins on tractors, and feeding my dogs, so I guess I am a cowboy."
She said, "I'm a lesbian. I spend my whole day thinking about women. As soon as I get up in the morning, I think about women. When I shower, I think about women. When I watch TV, I think about women. I even think about women when I eat. It seems that everything makes me think of woman." The two sat sipping in silence.
A little while later, a man sat down on the other side of the old cowboy and asked, "Are you a real cowboy?" He replied, "I always thought I was, but I just found out I'm a lesbian."
When Insults Had Class
“He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire.”
–Winston Churchill
“I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure.”
–Clarence Darrow
“He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary.”
–William Faulkner (about Ernest Hemingway)
"Poor Faulkner. Does he really think big emotions come from big words?"
—Ernest Hemingway (about William Faulkner)
“I’ve had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn’t it.”
–Groucho Marx
“I didn’t attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.”
–Mark Twain
“He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends.”
–Oscar Wilde
“I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play; bring a friend... if you have one.”
–George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill
“Cannot possibly attend first night; will attend second, if there is one.”
–Winston Churchill’s response to George Bernard Shaw
“I feel so miserable without you; it’s almost like having you here.”
–Stephen Bishop
“He is a self-made man and worships his creator.”
–John Bright
“I’ve just learned about his illness. Let’s hope it’s nothing trivial.”
–Irvin S. Cobb
“He is not only dull himself; he is the cause of dullness in others.”
–Samuel Johnson
“He is simply a shiver looking for a spine to run up.”
–Paul Keating
“He had delusions of adequacy.”
–Walter Kerr
“Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it?”
–Mark Twain
“His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork.”
–Mae West
“Winston, if you were my husband, I would poison your coffee!”
–Lady Astor to Winston Churchill at a dinner party
“Madam, if I were your husband, I would drink it!”
–Winston Churchill’s response to Lady Astor
"Thank you for sending me a copy of your book; I'll waste no time reading it."
—Moses Hadas
"There's nothing wrong with you that reincarnation won't cure."
—Jack E. Leonard
"He has the attention span of a lightning bolt."
—Robert Redford
"They never open their mouths without subtracting from the sum of human knowledge."
—Thomas Brackett Reed
"He inherited some good instincts from his Quaker forebears, but by diligent hard work, he overcame them."
—James Reston (about Richard Nixon)
"In order to avoid being called a flirt, she always yielded easily."
—Charles, Count Talleyrand
"He loves nature in spite of what it did to him."
—Forrest Tucker
"He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any one I know."
—Abraham Lincoln
"His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork."
—Mae West
"He uses statistics as a drunken man uses lamp-posts — for support rather than illumination."
—Andrew Lang (1844-1912)
"He has Van Gogh's ear for music."
—Billy Wilder
“Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.”
–Oscar Wilde
"You, Mr. Wilkes, will die either of the pox or on the gallows."
–The Earl of Sandwich
"That depends, my lord, whether I embrace your mistress or your principles."
–John Wilkes's response to The Earl of Sandwich
"A modest little person, with much to be modest about."
—Winston Churchill
–Winston Churchill
“I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure.”
–Clarence Darrow
“He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary.”
–William Faulkner (about Ernest Hemingway)
"Poor Faulkner. Does he really think big emotions come from big words?"
—Ernest Hemingway (about William Faulkner)
“I’ve had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn’t it.”
–Groucho Marx
“I didn’t attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.”
–Mark Twain
“He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends.”
–Oscar Wilde
“I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play; bring a friend... if you have one.”
–George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill
“Cannot possibly attend first night; will attend second, if there is one.”
–Winston Churchill’s response to George Bernard Shaw
“I feel so miserable without you; it’s almost like having you here.”
–Stephen Bishop
“He is a self-made man and worships his creator.”
–John Bright
“I’ve just learned about his illness. Let’s hope it’s nothing trivial.”
–Irvin S. Cobb
“He is not only dull himself; he is the cause of dullness in others.”
–Samuel Johnson
“He is simply a shiver looking for a spine to run up.”
–Paul Keating
“He had delusions of adequacy.”
–Walter Kerr
“Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it?”
–Mark Twain
“His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork.”
–Mae West
“Winston, if you were my husband, I would poison your coffee!”
–Lady Astor to Winston Churchill at a dinner party
“Madam, if I were your husband, I would drink it!”
–Winston Churchill’s response to Lady Astor
"Thank you for sending me a copy of your book; I'll waste no time reading it."
—Moses Hadas
"There's nothing wrong with you that reincarnation won't cure."
—Jack E. Leonard
"He has the attention span of a lightning bolt."
—Robert Redford
"They never open their mouths without subtracting from the sum of human knowledge."
—Thomas Brackett Reed
"He inherited some good instincts from his Quaker forebears, but by diligent hard work, he overcame them."
—James Reston (about Richard Nixon)
"In order to avoid being called a flirt, she always yielded easily."
—Charles, Count Talleyrand
"He loves nature in spite of what it did to him."
—Forrest Tucker
"He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any one I know."
—Abraham Lincoln
"His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork."
—Mae West
"He uses statistics as a drunken man uses lamp-posts — for support rather than illumination."
—Andrew Lang (1844-1912)
"He has Van Gogh's ear for music."
—Billy Wilder
“Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.”
–Oscar Wilde
"You, Mr. Wilkes, will die either of the pox or on the gallows."
–The Earl of Sandwich
"That depends, my lord, whether I embrace your mistress or your principles."
–John Wilkes's response to The Earl of Sandwich
"A modest little person, with much to be modest about."
—Winston Churchill
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